since I met the lost kids

I found the lost kids who live with Peter Pan in Neverland.
since I met you,
I feel like I'm a kid again and I mean I've always thought that I'm not an adult.
but since I met you I found the lost kid in me again :-)

and NEVER i never wanna lose her again.

small

I think I'm always trying to connect.
Connecting with people with this big universe we live in.
I think me and my small existence, we enjoy searching for the connections with others.
Maybe it is because of such small existence of mine, I'd crave to connect, and to be part of some bigger experiences.
I like to experience things together, maybe that's one of the big reasons why I like smoking up, or doing stuff like that where u r all experiencing something together

I like blogging.

and I think it's because when I publish a blog it's like me sending out a little signal to the world, telling the world that "hi, I exist, and I care about you, too", "I'm also lost, just like you are so don't feel so alone." and it makes me happy when I know my little existence could be a little companion of some other lost souls, it makes me happy.

I think I'm always trying to find connections.

celestetv presents: Birth and death of Bambi Wall

celestetv presents: Birth and death of Bambi Wall

this is a stop motion documentary of my my wall's deconstruction/construction.
the illustrations on the wall are by me and Kenny Yu.
and we always said we wanna do a collaboration but we never really got a chance to, but here we go,

celestekenny proudly present!

Birth and death of Bambi Wall

this wall had been through many good times and bad times with me, through thick or thin. and from the moment it was built, it had always been there for me.
so there,
I'll always keep a piece of Bambi wall with me. always:-)

you can't see my mouth but I'm smiling :-)

today I went to my old apt and teared down the wall.
during the deconstruction, we had to wear masks. and you couldn't see my mouth,
but I was smiling.
finally the painful divorce is coming to an end.
I mean, now I think back I really think I haven't dealt with this whole thing the best way I could, it was me being spoiled and over reacted...
now I think back
I really would have dealt with this differently but that is "now" when I think back, after gaining this experience I can now think back and know that I could have done better.
that's not all that bad then
so even if you can't see my mouth, I'm smiling.
I took down the wall.

I'm smiling.

+ -

I have a theory:
there are two kinds of people.
one is the +
one is the -
this could sound contradicting to my last post of "types" but it is not,
cuz it's two different mind sets,
and we can be + or - in different occasions.




the + people are the ones who positively know what they want.

the - people are like negative space, they know what they don't want to do. and then that shapes what they want to do. it's like eliminating. it is not a negative thing, negative space in a painting is just as important as the positive space.

well, im both + and - in different areas. but either way if u r the - kind, some of u may feel a lil paranoid or lost, cuz u might think u donno wut u wanna do, but just like I said, negative space! It is just as important is the positive space, it forms the composition, just from a different direction.

and it is just another celeste's theory.

type

I had a dream last night, I don't remember much of it but I think I'm supposed to learn something from it.

I only remember this one line from this girl with a pony tail, I don't remember what we were talking about, I don't remember what she was referring to,
but she said:
That's because you still think that there are "types" of people.

for all this time since I started to have self exploration and discovery, I thought I was pretty open minded person, but now that I think back, I think it is true that I still generalize others, I still draw lines, build boxes and put these people in them, including myself.






I don't know, maybe I've been trying to find my soul mates or those so called missing pieces of myself, somewhere along the line I start to group people into types that are "like me" or "not like me". and generalize them into different types, and sometimes when a person reveals a characteristic of some sort that reminds me of another person's characteristic, I'll make assumptions that they are the same type of people and therefore might hurt me the same way or just deal with things a certain way.

well it is true, all these horoscope readers, sociologist, scientist, psychologist..ect. are trying to find patterns and similarities among us people, because that is just easier and it is true that human have very similar experiences and feelings sometimes cuz, of course, we live in the same world.

I think in order to be open minded I need to be able to see through these boxes and lines, and get rid of all these concepts of types and really be an "expeiencer" to enjoy and experience this colorful world that is full of just special souls.

so yes thank you unknown lady in the dream.

7/29 starry night

I heard that Van Gogh died on July 29th 1890. That is exactly 99 years before I was born.
99 years before the date of my birth, passed away the most beautiful painter. Ended his own life, shot himself in a golden field and died 2 days after by the infection of that bullet he freed himself with.

but I never thought that you were crazy.

your passion may had made you mad, but maybe its because something so beautiful just can't be understood by the blind ones.

but you're not blind.



you were painting with your life, with your soul. Through those brush strokes, I feel it.

I never thought that you were crazy.


But I could tell you Vincent, this world was never meant for one as beautiful as you.

Narwhal

For those who are lost wondering about existence:
while we are still lost and feeling desperate, here's some good news,

NARWHAL!!

this animal is a whale with a golden tusk. and I heard that this is actually where they got the Unicorn idea, even though I think unicorn looks like the way it is cuz that's just how it was born.

Yesterday, a friend of mine told me about this animal, Narwhal! I can't get over the fact that this animal really exist, it is just so absurd and weird that I can't digest what I see. It looks like such a mystical animal that is made up!

So don't be depressed anymore, or desperate, or lost.

There's animals like Narwhal out there! that, I, till this day, did not know that they exist and life IS full of surprises that are waiting to be discovered.

so don't be depressed anymore.

pieces..

i think i do believe that we were all born as broken pieces of something, and we have to find the other pieces back together to see what it is.

so we were all born as a broken piece of something but at the same time, each piece is perfect. and unique...

It's just... why do I feel more broken as I grow up?
I used to feel like I was perfect as if I felt completed just by myself but now that through time maybe people come and go and take away part of my identity and a piece of me who already is just a piece of something else.

maybe we all need to find our pieces back, but at the same time during the journey, to find happiness in acceptance of being little broken pieces.

Let's pretend we don't exist

lately I've been thinking a lot about existence.
It is a strange thing.
it's the relations between me and the universe that really fascinate me.
I've always thought that there was a boarder or some sort of line between me and the world. (maybe by all means, it is our body ) that separates my entity and the world that I'm in.
But I think I have a new understanding...
It really never have been a boarder between me and the universe, it is really all just one entity if anything, the universe is in me. and i am in it. it is easy to say but hard to really have felt that way. luckily I actually had a glance of that feeling this weekend overlooking on my own existence within this infinite universe.

sometimes I felt that all this everything this world and universe is really just inside of me like in my head. but what if we are all just inside of my head? or someone's head?

identity is a strange strange thing.

I also realized that growing up really SUCKS.
It really does, well this weekend I was feeling like 8 again and I fucking built a pillow fort, and hell yeah it was the most awesome feeling ever!
the worst part is that I forgot how much fun it was to build a pillow fort.
how do we forget these things? I don't get it why don't we do these pretending and imagining anymore? I remember I used to just pretend that I was a pirate or something or a princess and just had the time of my life.
but why don't I do that anymore?
does growing up means we just not find those things fun anymore? I mean building a pillow fort was awesome in any ways. maybe when we were little we were not a lot of things, we were just kids and we couldn't do many things but pretending. and now we have much more things that we can do to have fun so we don't just play around pretending that we are something that we are not anymore. But the truth is, WE ARE STILL NOT A LOT OF THINGS. we are still living this small life that we wish to be bigger.

so why not imagine? why not pretend?

let's pretend we don't exist.. let's pretend we're in Antarctica...

paper fish tank 紙魚缸

this is my self portrait assignment, third year.
love love love cut outs! and i love how it recorded the sunlight. i got lucky with that one:-D

EGG

i love the sound of egg cooking.
really dig it.
btw this is just the beginning of this one film I'm making called "Blank fillers".
so please be posted

match cut

http://www.vimeo.com/9200743

this is an exercise I did in Sophomore year.
It's called the match cut and basically a match cut is an action that is separated in two different cuts that continuing the with same action.
i should do more coloring with the flying books but didnt have time before the deadline maybe i will do it someday.

postcards from Saturn

we all live on lonely planets of our own.
maybe it would be nice to get a postcard once in a while from the other lonely planets.
The old man on Saturn once wrote me a letter, he asked me what's the color of our sunset.


I'd like to send a postcard back to him.
just hope that it'd make it on time before his.

soaked at 430pm

soaked at 430 am. I was standing under our new apt's roof.. I have the keys in my pocket.

the rain stopped on my eye lashes. it just kinda hung there, for some reason it all was slow motion in front of me. or maybe it was just slow. in front of me.
the rain was pouring on to the trees on the streets. for a brief moment, or maybe not so brief, when the leaves fall from the trees with the rain, it all was slow motion in front of me.

me soaked at 430 am, with the half wet cigarette that I can taste the rain on the filter, standing under our new apt's roof. I can feel the weight of the keys in my pocket.

I think I really would like to think that if i keep walking, I can get through the rain and I will get home. but I wish this was home. that I can just fucking turn around and use the keys in my pocket to open the door. and it's home. which it will be. soon. if I can keep walking through the rain. i will get home.

wet and dry is all very blurry now in front of me, since I got these drops of rain just hanging on my eye lashes. some how it all made sense, with the cigarette dripping in my hand the water rolling down my cheek for another brief moment i kinda just became part of the rain.

it was all just so fucking rock n roll.
it was all slow motion in front of me.